What Was Left Behind
by Scarlet Flowers
Summary: As her fifth year begins, Ginny struggles in silence to separate herself from her first love, Draco Malfoy. But, time after time, he draws her back in, leading her to wonder what it will take to let go for good.
1. Chapter 1

_I'm starting fifth year? I feel like I'm fifty, _Ginny thought. From across the room, a mirror reflected her image. Her long, red hair hung carelessly down her back, thrown into a sloppy ponytail. She was wearing a tank top and shorts that belonged to Hermione, whose house she had been at since the end of the school year. Everything was too big on her. Not only was she three inches shorter than Hermione, she was also considerably smaller chested. A big, ugly scrape sat on her knee from a failed attempt to ride a Muggle bicycle. Owing to years of dealing with adult problems while still in Hogwarts, Ginny's face was set and serious. She had been through too much to walk around smiling all the time. _What a mess my life has become._

Hermione walked in, carrying a stack of folded clothes. She had reveled in playing host to Ginny, Ron, and Harry all summer. None of them could handle staying in 12 Grimmauld Place, and it was still too dangerous to be at the Burrow. She had done the best to make it a great summer, but none of them were up to it. Harry walked around like a zombie, mourning Sirius. Everyone else was still shell-shocked.

On top of that, Ginny was secretly trying to get over the hidden romance she had been having all of fourth year. Right before she had left school for the summer, she had broken it off. She told him that everything was too much, and that it was not working out. She said she needed time to think, and that the last thing she needed was another person to worry about. All of it had been lies. The worst part was, she could not tell anyone about it. They would not understand it, and they would not listen without judging.

As much as she tried, she could not deny it. She was in love with Draco Malfoy.

"How is the packing going?" Hermione asked cheerily. She put her laundry into her trunk, stacking it neatly.

Ginny shrugged. "Not bad." So far, she had one robe and a quill in her trunk.

"We're going to have dinner outside tonight. Mum's busy making us so many things, it should be wonderful."

The room was suddenly making Ginny claustrophobic. She needed to get fresh air and have some time to think. "I'll be there. I'm going to go on a walk."

In the hallway, she saw Harry, exiting the guest room he had been sharing with Ron. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. "What're you doing?" he asked.

"I don't know, going on a walk." There was an awkward silence. "Want to come along?"

"Sure."

Silently angry, Ginny walked with Harry down the stairs and then out the front door. All she wanted was some time alone, and she could not even get that. She had become well aware over the course of the summer that Harry was falling for her. Since she was ten, she had been waiting for the day that he would love her, too, but she didn't care. But, it wasn't because she didn't want Harry anymore. The fact was, nothing mattered to her anymore.

With Harry, she walked through the shady suburban streets of Hermione's neighborhood. Without a doubt, she felt safe here. But still, she didn't feel happy. They rounded a corner and saw a large, black dog in a yard, sitting and staring at them. Ginny's heart dropped at the sight. Next to her, Harry sighed loudly and turned his head the other way. Instinctively, Ginny tok his hand into her own and walked past the house quickly.

"How are you doing?" she asked gently. Ginny, from her own traumatic experiences, knew how she would have wanted the questions asked. They never had been, of course.

Harry did not answer right away. More houses passed as they continued in the silence. Ginny knew that she would wait. The grip on her hand grew tighter.

"I don't know. I still feel like he's not dead. That sounds so crazy, I know it does. I still feel like I should have known to do something. I feel like it's my fault. I can't help it."

Ginny squeezed his hand. Turning to look him in the eyes, she said, "You know that it's not."

Harry stared back at her, his green eyes full and sad. "I know."

Deciding not to press any further, Ginny walked along with Harry without another word. When they arrived back at Hermione's, she could see her and Ron setting up for dinner. Harry stopped and so did she. He looked at her, a small smile on his face. Ginny tried to smile, but she knew it wasn't working. "Are you doing okay?" he asked quietly.

Ginny couldn't lie. She shrugged, and looked away from Harry's eyes. "I don't know," she said truthfully. "I really don't know."

He stroked her hand, and Ginny was suddenly extremely aware of how much she was leading him on. She did not know what she felt about it. "Do you want to talk?" She shook her head back and forth.

Harry stared at her. "If you ever need to, I'll be here."

Truly appreciative, Ginny smiled. "Thank you." She let go of his hand as they walked into the backyard.

It was a comfortably humid night, still warm without the summer sun. Ginny loved nights like this. The stars seemed to hang right above, at a stretched arm's reach. Everyone ate, talked, and laughed. Even Ginny, who had barely eaten all summer out of pure nerves, stuffed herself. There would be another feast in just a day, but they would not be free. Another year of school would consume them for nine months. Ginny felt so liberated in the summer air.

After the dessert, Hermione let out a satisfied sigh and pushed away from the table. "I think I will go upstairs now."

"Yes, I think I will, too," Ron responded quickly. Ginny looked down at her feet and smiled as they both hurried off. Hermione had confessed to her that they had become something more than friends the past winter. "But Harry _must not know_!" she insisted.

Ginny watched Harry's face flicker as the candle Hermione had lit danced in the light, warm breeze. She wondered what it would be like to fall for a friend. None of her romances had ever started like that. They were always sudden or, in Draco's case, completely unexpected and spurned from hate. There was a long silence. Then Ginny said, "Let's go down to the lake."

The moon was bright, guiding them easily through Hermione's backyard and through the path towards the lake. They hardly ever went there during the day. It was always packed with Muggle parents and obnoxious children. But at night, it was just quiet, calm, and beautiful. Neither one of them spoke as they slipped off their shoes at the edge of the beach, allowing the cold sand to run through their toes. Harry climbed onto the wooded dock first, putting a hand out to help Ginny. Once securely on, they both lay on their backs, looking at the stars.

For some reason, Ginny started to think about Draco. She wondered what he was doing, and what he was doing. She wondered if he could see this sky. With a pang of guilt, she wondered if he still loved her.

It was too much for her. For too long, she had kept _everything_ a secret. All of it ate away at her. She was worried and sad all of the time, because she kept everything hidden. She needed to tell someone something, unless she would go crazy.

"Harry, do you know that I've been in love?" Immediately, she regretted it. She was thankful that there positions would not allow for him to see her burning cheeks.

"With who?" he blurted out. Both turned their heads until they were lying close, facing one another.

"I had a boyfriend last year. And I don't mean Michael Corner," she said quickly. He had been a cover for what was really going on.

"Who?" Harry persisted.

Ginny shook her head. "That doesn't matter. Anyway, it's over now, probably for good. I broke it off in June."

"Is that what has been bothering you all summer?"

"Yes," she admitted. "Nobody but me and him knew. Now, I don't know what to feel. I don't know how he's feeling about me. I'm so confused."

Harry nodded trying to understand. "Well, do you still love him?"

Ginny considered the question carefully. Millions of thoughts ran through her head. "I really don't know. I think I do. I know that I definitely did. I think I feel the same. Yes, I do," she decided.

Embarrassed at her openness, Ginny turned back to the sky. She was angry at herself for so easily letting go. One part of her said it was okay, because she needed to tell someone if she wanted to stay sane. The other part shouted, "Remember Tom, you stupid girl!"

A star whooshed across the sky. Ginny couldn't stop anything from coming out of her mouth once she had her mind on it, even though she knew she should stop. Harry gave her ears to funnel everything into, something nobody had ever given her before. She thought back to the day in the library in the spring. That day, over chocolate eggs and whispered words, she had nearly told him everything. Luckily, Madam Pince had stopped that. Now, she had no rules holding her back.

"Have you ever been in love, Harry?" she asked, throwing the question out into the air.

"No," he responded mildly. "I could be one day, though." Ginny turned, and they were face to face. From their close proximity, Ginny could feel Harry's warm breath on her lips. It was maddening. Shocked at what was happening, Ginny felt wavy butterflies move through her stomach. _For Harry?_

"Let's go swimming," she said, standing suddenly. What had just happened (or almost happened) had sent her into a tailspin. If she had not moved, they would have kissed. It would be too wrong. She loved Draco.

_Right? Or maybe this is what it takes to let go…_..

Quickly, Ginny pulled off her shirt and shorts. leaving them them carelessly on a pile on the dock. She tried to kignore Harry watching her, propped up on his elbows. "Come on!" she urged.

He stood and slipped off his clothes. They stood together on the edge of the dock, looking down at the black water.

"One….."

"Two…."

"THREE!"

Simultaneously, Ginny and Harry leaped into the lake. Water submerged her, running through her hair as she paddled to the surface. Harry resurfaced a second after her, gasping loudly as he took in air. He was smiling, truly and widely. Inside, Ginny felt warm. That smile had been missing since before that night at the ministry. Everyone had missed it. Now, _she_ was the one responsible for bringing it back to the surface.

Ginny beamed back at him as they both treaded water. "Ginny….. I feel so good," he confessed.

"I know. I am so glad."

"You know what. I am so glad that you're happy, too. It's good to see you happy.

Giggling, Ginny splashed Harry, He was right. She was so happy there. He splashed her back, laughing. Both splashed each other, moving through the water. They ended up in the shallow part, where they could both stand. While trying to run in the water, Ginny stumbled on the sand. Laughing, she landed in Harry's arms.

She looked at him, and suddenly wasn't laughing anymore. To her dismay and pleasure, they were back in the same position they had been in when they were on the dock. Now, there was nowhere for her to go.

Slowly, Harry reached up and moved a piece of wet hair from Ginny's eyes. Staring intently, Harry allowed his hand to longer on her cheek.

"Are you sure you love him, your mystery man?" His whisper was so suggestive, Ginny fell hard for his words.

"Not at all," she muttered.

Tilting her head to the right, Ginny moved closer to Harry. Under the water, her hands found his hips. Harry automatically moved his other hand to her other cheek. He moved closer, too, and then, there was contact.

Ginny felt like she was flying as she kissed Harry. _Oh, God, I'm kissing Harry_, Attempting to put all of the weird feelings away, Ginny threw herself into the moment. Harry kissed differently than anyone she had ever kissed before. He was gentle, yet still used some force, moving through her mouth rhythmically. Ginny tightened her grip on his hips.

The moon shone brightly over the two of them as they kissed in the water for what turned into an hour. When they grew cold, they moved back onto the dock they had nearly started on, kissing in the moonlight. Ginny fell hard for Harry, but could not help but feel slightly guilty. There was someone else in her life. As much as she wanted to forget _him_, she could not help but feel that she was being unfaithful.

Before they knew it, the sun was coming up. Harry and Ginny separated themselves from one another, breaking the magic that had existed between them. Awkwardly, they redressed, suddenly coming to realize what had gone on. Quickly, they went back to Hermione's, hoping they would not be find out. Harry would not be breathing by nightfall if Ron knew.

"I still have to pack," Ginny admitted, trying to break the awkward silence. Harry laughed. "Me too."

Upstairs, Hermione was sleeping. Ginny quickly threw her few items into her trunk, and flopped down onto her bed, crying.

_This can't be letting go. It hurts too much. _More than ever, she wanted to be back in Draco's arms. She didn't care who knew anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

It rained all morning during the long car ride to London. Ginny could not look at Harry. It was too awkward for her to face right away. It had been thrilling, but she regretted it all the same. She suddenly knew why she had never kissed a male friend before. It ruined everything. Worse, she feared what would happen when she saw Draco. He could read her so well, and he would know that there was something different with her. Yes, things were over, but judging from her feelings, they weren't _over_. She remembered how he had begged when she had broken up with him. He was not going to be going after any other girls soon.

_Maybe I'm just a stupid slut. Just like he always told me I was._ Ginny held some truth to that idea. She did not care directly that she had kissed Harry, after breaking up with Draco. She cared more about the feelings of both. To her, it made no difference. Everything was screwed up, anyway.

At the station, Hermione's parents left them, waving with fervor and shouting goodbyes. Ginny went through the platform barrier together. "C'mon, let's get a spot," Ginny suggested, moving quickly toward the train. She wanted to put off seeing Draco for as long as possible.

Inside, Hermione followed Ginny to a car and set her things down. Harry and Ron were not far behind, struggling to keep up with the girls. Once their things were secured, Hermione and Ron pulled out their prefect badges. "We have duty," Hermione said guiltily. Ginny felt nauseous. As if things could not get worse, she and Harry would be alone.

Slumping down into a seat, Ginny leaned her head against the window. "I am so tired," she admitted. Harry laughed and settled in a seat across from her. "So am I."

Ginny smiled slyly. "I wonder, what could have been keeping us both up last night?" Harry returned the private smile.

_Oh God, what am I doing? Why don't you just lead on another guy you don't actually like, Ginny?_

The train started to move soon after, and Ginny found herself falling in and out of sleep. Out the window, the land grew sparser as they moved farther from the city and into the countryside. It was still raining, although not quite as hard. She hoped it would clear up before it was time to take the thestrals in.

Eventually, Luna wandered in, sitting down closely to Harry. Ginny talked to her friend about what she had done all summer, and what she hoped for the school year. Luna told Ginny all about the traveling she had done with her father in search of the two-toed niffler, although her eyes seldom left Harry. Harry pretended to appear interested, joining in the conversation whenever he could.

Neville showed up and left after a short conversation with them both. Ginny was just beginning to fall asleep again when Hermione and Ron returned, flopping down into seats.

"I am exhausted!" Hermione cried out.

"Join the club," Ginny remarked.

"Why don't we all take a nap?" Hermione suggested. She rose to slide the door shut for privacy, but stopped with a gasp. With interest, Ginny turned toward the door. Unwillingly, she started to gasp, but she put her hand over her mouth. Draco stood alone in the threshold of their car, preventing the door from shutting. Critically, he examined everyone, his eyes lingering on Ginny. She could not let her eyes leave him. As always, he exuded overconfidence, as if he owned the place. His mouth was set in a contemptuous sneer. Ginny knew that whatever words he used would be hateful and harsh, and yet, she craved them.

"Hello Potter, Weasel, Granger," he spat. Ginny's heart jumped at his purposeful exclusion of her own presence. She was never 'Weasel' or 'Weasley' to him. He always called her 'Miss Weasley', 'Ginny', or, her favorite, 'Love.'

Hermione was flushed red. "Get out of here right now, Malfoy."

Draco leaned against the doorway and locked eyes with Ginny. "No, I'm not ready to go yet." Her heart jumping, she knew the reason why he had come, and why he was lingering.

"Well, you should be, because, if it's not too obvious for you, nobody wants you here," Ron shouted. Everyone knew that Harry would snap the second Malfoy said something about Sirius, and they all wanted to protect him.

"So, did you children have a nice summer?" Draco sneered, still staring at Ginny. To everyone else, it was a sarcastic insult. But to her, it was an honest question. Ever so slightly, she moved her head from the left, and then to the right.

"Better watch your backs this year. You wouldn't want to get into any more trouble," Draco said lazily. Ginny moved her head up, and then down. Her eyes bore into his. There was something she needed to know, and he was trying to tell her. This was his way of telling her that they needed to talk.

"OUT!" Hermione shouted.

Sarcastically, Draco raised his hands as if he was under arrest. He backed out of the doorway and turned, swaggering down the hall. The trio spent the next half an hour stewing over what he had said, while Ginny stared out the window. Already, he was drawing her back in. She had been imagining what would happen when they met again all summer, and it had already occurred. In a meeting that would seem innocent to everyone else, he would take her in again as his prisoner. She had no choice. She had to meet with him again.

The feast was long and lovely, but Ginny was too impatient. From the moment the first student was sorted, she was aching to leave. Determinedly, she did not look over at the Slytherin table once. If she saw him, she was afraid she would be too obvious.

After the dessert was served and she took two bites, Ginny stood up. "I think I am going to go to bed," she announced. Harry looked at her, his eyes smiling. "Goodnight."

Deliberately, Ginny walked slowly through the hall, especially past the Slytherin table. To everyone else, she was just another student leaving the hall. But she knew Draco would notice her as she walked past him, nonchalant.

She walked all the way to the Fat Lady, and then turned around. It was all part of being stealth. Quickly, she took the alternate paths that were sure to be empty before reaching the Owlrey door. Turning to make sure she was alone, Ginny opened the door, shut it, and then raced up the stone steps.

As expected, she was completely alone. She slid down into her normal spot, a small area of stones untouched by droppings and hay. Nervously, she tapped her foot loudly against the stone, hoping he would show up.

Finally, she heard the door creak open. Her heart jumped as she looked towards the stairs expectantly. Then, he was there, leaning lazily against the stone, staring down at her. Quickly, she stood, staring at him face to face.

"Fancy seeing you here," he said with contempt.

"Same to you."

They stared at one another, exchanging harsh glares over silence. Then, his face broke, and he was smiling at her, his cold gray eyes cruelly inviting. Ginny grinned and rushed towards him, and he swept her up into a hug. It was the last thing she had been expecting over the long summer days. She thought it was all over. But really, they were just picking up where they had left off. His lips were on her hair, kissing the top of her head gently. In their embrace, she only came to his shoulder. "I've missed you," she murmured into his skin.

"You have no idea," he muttered back.

Ginny pulled away, and he held her by her hips. A look of concern filled her eyes. "How have you been? How was your summer?"

Draco sighed, his chest heaving against her own. Her skin tingled from the contact. Every breath echoed pain that entered Ginny. His eyes traveled towards the window, gazing at the stars. "It's been hell. Without you, it's been hell."

Ginny leaned her head against his chest and closed her eyes. Guilt from the night before flooded through her. Here was a man who really cared for her, and she had let it all go. As if things in his life were not bad enough, she had made it worse. She was the cause of everyone's pain.

Draco's hands were in her hair, running through it gently. "It was never really over, was it, Ginny?"

Ginny sighed. "Yes. It was. It really was over. It has been over, Draco." _Just not to me._

His hands cupped her face, and he drew her into a kiss. Ginny moaned audibly as their lips touched. For the first time in a long time, she was able to feel. This was what had been missing from her life. As passion rushed through her veins, all of her instincts were screaming at her to stop. In that moment, she hated him and loved him at the same time. It meant everything to her, and yet, she wanted to let go.

_But maybe not yet._

After the kiss, she and Draco stood close, staring at one another. "Sure. It's over," he whispered. Unable to control herself, Ginny giggled, leading him to laugh along with her. He kissed her forehead, and then her cheek. Her head turned as he moved his attention onto her neck. He knew just how to touch her. He knew how to make her let go. She hated that about him. For years, she had struggled to become independent. He ruined everything for her. "God, I hate you," she whispered, her breath heavy.

"I know," Draco murmured, his words vibrating invitingly against her neck.

Unwillingly, Ginny pushed him away. Draco continued to grope at her, but she held his hands down. "No. What is going on? I know you have to tell me something."

Draco sighed and hung his head. "Ginny, I don't want to do this right now. Let's talk about it tomorrow."

"No, tell me now."

There was a long pause, and then he spoke. "My dad may be away, but they're still always around my house. I wasn't able to leave all summer. I heard it more often than I wanted to. Something big is going to go down, I just know it. Obviously, Harry has to be looking out. And he needs to be practicing Occlumency. Ginny, if he can't do it, they're going to be able to get him. Tell him that."

Frustrated, Ginny demanded, "What else? We all know that. There has to be more."

"I swear, that's all I know. They don't include me in these meetings, of course. That's my mother's job now."

"Then why did you lure me here? I expected some elaborate plan or something."

Draco's hands slipped back onto her hips. Gently, he kissed her once. "Why do you think?"

Smiling, Ginny kissed him back. _It's over. But we can still do this._ Before she knew it, it was after hours. They had to get back to their dorms. Besides, she needed sleep. She did not want to be zombie-like on the first day of class.

"It was nice seeing you," Ginny whispered to Draco right before she left. He smirked at her, and then held the door open for her. Silently, she crept through the halls and made it back to the Gryffindor tower without being caught. _As always._

When she entered her dorm, she saw one of her roommates look up at her before flopping back down on the pillow. Without a doubt, they had been talking about her and her absence from the normal bedtime. It didn't matter to her. It was no secret that she was not well-liked by the girls in her own year. _That's just what happens when you're popular with the boys._ With a smile, she thought of Draco. _Especially the ones you would least expect._


	3. Chapter 3

Ginny's first class the next morning was Transfiguration. Wearily, she kept her eyes deliberately wide as McGonagall stressed the importance of preparing early for the OWLs. In the hour of her afternoon break, she ran upstairs for a quick nap instead of eating lunch. It didn't matter much to her if her actions made any sense at all. Nothing in her life was sensible anyway. One day, she was kissing her brother's best friend. The next, she was kissing her ex-boyfriend, who also happened to be her family's worst enemy.

When it came time to wake up, Ginny seriously considered skipping class. The forty five minutes of rest that she had managed had only made her more tired as everything ran through her head, leaving her more exhausted than she had started. Eventually, she got out of bed and went to class. It was the first class of the year. Cutting would be completely unacceptable. Worse, it was double Potions with the Slytherins.

Earlier than the rest, Ginny picked a table in the middle row in the back. She pretended that Snape was not staring at her contemptuously as she unpacked her books and materials. _I have more right to be here than you will ever realize_, she thought nastily, thinking about the special relationship he had with Draco.

The bell rang soon after, and students filed in. With interest, Ginny watched the Gryffindors sit only in the right row, and the Slytherins exclusively in the left row. A few stragglers grumbled as they were forced into the middle, in front of Ginny. _Don't they see how little this all matters?_

Immediately, Snape sent them to work, concocting a absorbent paste, used in advanced branches of healing. "This is my way of anticipating your OWL successes, or lack thereof." He smirked nastily at Ginny, an expression she readily returned. "Get to work."

Silently, Ginny worked, reading all of the instructions carefully and preparing all of her ingredients. Despite her enmity for Shape, she loved the work. There was no denying that she possessed a natural talent for Potions. As she did in al of her classes, Ginny worked alone, in silence.

As she was up in the front carefully scooping up salamander scales, she heard someone approaching from behind. The hairs on the back of her neck prickled.

"Someone looks tired. Up late with extracurriculars already?" Jade Parkinson was behind her, leering snobbily.

"Jade, honey, you have no idea," Ginny said calmly, continuing to scoop up the best scales. She had seen the way the blond, curvy girl looked at Draco, even with his pretend affair with her sister. A strong sense of power came to Ginny, knowing that she had won him over her.

"Careful, Miss Weasley. You wouldn't want those extracurricular activities to get in the way of your studies, now would you?" Snape muttered spitefully. He brushed behind Ginny suddenly, causing her to spill her entire collection of scales. "Oops."

Behind her, Jade laughed loudly, causing the others to turn to see what had happened. Furious, Ginny carelessly chose her scales and added them to her potion. By the time the class was ending, her mixture was a dark, forest green, a far cry from the lime it was supposed to be. Snape came by with his clipboard and sneered.

"I will give this a P, poor. Next time, make sure you take proper care in the selection of _every item_, Miss Weasley."

Ginny's mood grew worse as she cleared her cauldron. Now, she was being unfairly cheated by her teachers, just because he did not like her. Briefly, she considered complaining to McGonagall, but thought better of it. _There are more important things for her to worry about these days._

She found herself wandering familiar territory in the halls, checking carefully that she was not being followed. Something hidden and internal was drawing her towards her destination. Her stomach felt sick when she understood where she was headed. She didn't want to do it anymore, and yet, she kept on walking.

Arriving at the empty classroom, Ginny closed the door but did not lock it. Slowly, she moved across the room, her hand running over the furniture dusty with misuse. Whenever they were there, they stayed low, just in case anyone was to look through the small window on the door. There were the desks they had talked under, the bookshelves they had kissed under and

_The table we fucked on._

Smirking, Ginny wandered to the table and looked at it with newfound curiosity. She could remember every detail of that evening like it had happened the day before. She had just had a meeting with the DA, leaving early after watching Harry and Cho flirt sickeningly. She and Draco had met there, had taken a few shots of Firewhisky, and let their passions take a hold of them on top of that table.

"_I guess I'm a woman now," she said afterward, laughing slightly as she buttoned up her blouse._

_He shook his head, an odd smile on his face. "This doesn't make you a woman, Gin. You've been a woman for a long time, and you know it."_

Ginny sat on the floor and eventually reclined, resting her head on her bag. A lot had happened in that room. It was what they called their 'wintertime spot', used when the Owlrey was too cold or too crowded. They had met there, no longer enemies, for the first time, when she demanded for him to tell her what side he was really on. That same night, he had kissed her, half out of lust and half to spite her. In March, she had told him that she loved him under a desk in the front row, never feeling surer of her words in her entire life. He had reciprocated it immediately, as if he had been waiting for her to say it all along. And then, in June, she had broken his heart there, telling him it was over when they both knew it would never be.

Just being there, recumbent on the floor, comforted her. _I feel like I'm home._ Deep down, as relaxed as she was, she still ached for something more. She knew exactly what that was, and she was not happy.

Like clockwork, the door creaked open. Lazily, Ginny raised her head and watched Draco enter, locking the door behind him. "How did you know?" she asked, emotionless.

Draco strode over, staring at her, his tie undone. He lay down next to her and said, "How would I not know?"

Ginny felt her heart swell once he was next to her, making her whole again. Angry at the way she felt, she swore under her breath and inched away from him slightly. _So much for independence._ She wished he wouldn't make her feel so good.

Next to her, Draco lit a cigarette. He took a drag and passed it to her, silently going through the old ritual. Ginny gratefully inhaled the smoke, taking in more than she should have. Immediately, she felt lightheaded. She coughed slightly as she exhaled.

Draco laughed scornfully. "You had quit, right?"

"In June."

His hand moved towards her thigh. "Funny how old habits pick up again."

She picked up his hand and pushed it away. "Stupid, poisonous habits," she spat.

"You bitch."

Unable to resist, Ginny rolled onto her side and then moved so she was lying on top of Draco. Knowing how it would make him feel, she pressed her legs onto his, their hips aligned. She propped her upper body up on her elbows and stared at him, smiling innocently.

"You dirty bitch."

She whispered, "You know I only want you more when you say things like that."

"If I didn't, why would I say them?" Draco smirked, taking another drag before putting out the cigarette. His hands slid gently onto Ginny's hips.

She leaned down, kissing his neck, touching him lightly in maddening torture. Hearing his breath grow fast and heavy and feeling his body respond, Ginny kissed him harder. His hands gripped her hips strongly. "Let it show," he muttered huskily.

Ginny nibbled at him and bit harder a few times, leaving a large red mark that she was proud of. Afterward, she let him do the same, marking up the white skin of her neck. Then, she wouldn't let him touch her any more, despite his desperate tries. She wanted him to suffer for awhile.

Tenderly, she reached up and touched her hicky, delighting in the pain that she felt. "God, we're both so sick," she muttered.

"How do you think we found each other?"

"You're right.

Ginny thought back to Tim. Her family was so clueless. For four years, she had been a complete mess because of it, and they did not even notice. Every day, she was forced to act like she was fine, when she felt dead inside. Tom had taken everything from her. She could not even look at anymore without suspicion, even though she understood how irrational it was. She walked around dazed, in pain, pretending it was all okay. She was not the sweet and innocent girl she had always been. She was drawn to the dark part of life. She was drawn to pain. She had been waiting for someone to come along and save her. What she got was completely unexpected.

Draco entered her life.

He saw her and knew how fucked up she was. After all, he was the same way. If she thought she had suffered one year with Tom, she knew nothing. Draco grew up with Lucius. Since he was a child and on, he had been abused in every way a child could be. To be a respectable society member, to live up to his Malfoy name, he had to act like it was all fine. Inside, he was just as dead as she was, looking for someone to call a home.

Ginny was what he found.

When they were together, they could finally be themselves. They were drawn apart by their hate for one another, but came back for the way it felt. As much as she hated it, he told him everything, and he did the same. All of the aggressions they had for one another came out in their physical relationship. Then, as soon as they were not sneaking around and they returned to the real world, it was back to just Malfoy and Weasley, family enemies. It was the opposite of a relationship. Anyone would be repulsed if he knew.

But to Ginny, it was home.

Having given up on being allowed to touch Ginny any more, Draco stroked her hair gently. She snuggled against his shoulder, not really knowing what else to do with herself. "Ginny," he whispered in a caring voice that she did not want.

"Stop, right now." She removed herself from his shoulder and closed her eyes. She did not want to feel anything for him.

"You're beautiful."

Her heart flooded with feelings. She felt like she was floating on a euphoric cloud. "Stop it!"

"I love you."

Groaning loudly, Ginny opened her eyes, and then squeezed them shut again to block out what she was about to say. "I love you, Draco." To make up for it, she punched his leg hard, feeling a little better after it.

"You're still calling this over?"

"Yes."

"Then, will you be my girlfriend, Ginny Weasley?"

In spite of her self, Ginny smiled. She opened her eyes and saw the sunlight on the ceiling. All morning and into the afternoon, it had been raining.

"Only if you'll be my boyfriend, Draco Malfoy." The name put next to those words still felt strange and forbidden to her.

"Well, then, I guess we're back on again."

"I suppose." Ginny reached down and took his hand, squeezing it hard. Draco tried to bring it to his lips for a kiss, but not without her resisting. Finally, she allowed her to kiss her hand, making her feel more of the terrible love than ever. "Now get out of here," she demanded.

He stood obediently, and she found herself doing the same thing. As always, he held the door open for her, staggering his departure for a minute just to be safe. Ginny hurried toward the Great Hall for dinner, not turning her back once. Her head was spinning with

_Happiness?_

Trying to rid herself of the elations he felt, Ginny ate quickly and ate too much than her body was used to. Vaguely, she knew Harry was talking to her, but she only nodded automatically. There was too much going on in her life to be bothered with it. After her fifth helping of mashed potatoes, her stomach churned violently. Standing roughly and stopping Harry's talking abruptly, she said suddenly, "I think I'm going to be sick." She ran out of the Great Hall and to the nearest bathroom, not caring that everyone was staring at her.

As expected, Ginny got sick in a toilet. Afterward, she felt better. She washed up in a sink and slowly made her way to the Gryffindor tower. _Serves me right for eating an entire meal,_ she thought, guiltily feeling her stomach.

In front of the library, she saw Draco, standing and talking to Crabbe and Goyle. Pansy was next to him, clutching his hand possessively. Ginny's stomach clenched, but she knew she would not get sick again. Determinedly, she did not look at the group and instead stared straight ahead, at an uninteresting painting of a cactus and a witch on the wall. Draco's voice carried through her ears and made her hurt even more.

"Yes, we expect that father will be out of prison in the next couple of weeks. The Ministry has been going through an overhaul like you would not believe. A lot of the _good_ people have been purged temporarily, the ones who can help us out if you know what I mean. All it will take is a little bit of finagling, but I do believe that Narcissa can handle it."

In front of them, Ginny dropped a book. Petrified, she bent down, her head dangerously close to Draco's legs. Under private circumstances, she could not help herself. _Oh, please, God, don't make it obvious._

On the way back up, her cheek brushed his outstretched hand. Knowing it was no accident, Ginny flushed red and quickly moved on.

_What are you doing to me?_

In the common room, Hermione was reading by the fire. She looked up when Ginny entered, much to Ginny's dismay. She was hoping to retreat up to her room without being noticed.

"There you are. Come here."

Unwillingly, Ginny walked over and sank into the chair next to Hermione. She felt very uncomfortable.

"I have not seen you all day. You know... I went to go see you last night. You weren't in your room."

Humiliated, Ginny stammered, "Oh... I was... uhh..."

Hermione held up a hand and continued, "I happened to mention it to Ron this morning, while Harry was upstairs getting dressed."

"WHAT!"

Hermione smiled. "Don't be mad. He wasn't. In fact, he happens to think that it's great. I think that it's great!"

Ginny just gaped, wondering if she could possibly be hearing what was coming out of Hermione's mouth.

"It turns out that Harry told Ron what happened the other night."

Relieved, Ginny sank lower into her chair. She closed her eyes and put a hand over her face. _So naïve... bless them all, they are so naïve..._

"Of course, we won't tell Harry. He will be so embarrassed. I must tell you, though, how relieved Ron is that you're not running around with, well, Michael Corner or Dean Thomas anymore. This is exactly what he wanted for you."

Ginny faked a smile. "I know. I'm happy, too."

A few minutes later, she excused herself, claiming that she was still feeling under the weather. Ginny sank into her bed, the weight of the day sinking into her. Hermione had discovered her secret, but the wrong one. She and Draco were together again. Together. The word seemed to strange to her after a summer of loneliness. Ginny felt so safe, with all of the things in her life coming back together again.

That day's copy of the Daily Prophet lay on the floor. Ginny picked it up, having nothing better to do. On the cover, there was a story about an attack on a wizarding family by the Death Eaters. Suddenly, she did not feel so safe. So many had gone to jail, but just as many had joined their ranks. With the way things were going, Dumbledore's Army would not be getting together anytime soon. It was too risky for all of them. There was not telling who was on the good side and who was not. The only people at Hogwarts Ginny could truly trust to be on her side were Hermione, Ron, and Harry.

And then there was Draco. She trusted him to no end, and it scared her senseless. He was a _Malfoy_, after all. Despite that, she was buying it when he told her he was not one of them. With a pained feeling, she remembered what had happened the last time she had believed someone who had claimed to be something she wanted him to be. But then again, she had been with Draco for almost a year now. He had never shown any indication of _not_ being on her side. The moment he did, she would really break things apart, and they would really be over that time. Every day when they were together, she felt like she was walking on eggshells. Then, there was the guilt to deal with from feeling that way. If she did love him, which she did, she was supposed to trust him.

Ginny shook her head in disbelief. _Together with a Malfoy at a time like this._

Ginny was suddenly unsure that things would last.


	4. Chapter 4

Over the next two weeks, Ginny was not alone with Draco once. There was never an opportunity, and they both knew it. The signal they used to show the other that they needed to talk remained unused. Ginny glared at Draco form across the Great Hal, and he glared back, thrilling her and angering her at the same time. She had never wanted to touch him more. When they were apart, it was easy enough to not want him, even when she wanted to. It was pure torture to rightfully be able to touch him, but not ever being alone enough to do so.

Ginny had been asked to join the Quiddich team again as a Chaser, under the guide of Katie Bell. Joyfully, she had accepted, anxious to burn off the excess energy waiting for Draco had brough on. On a Saturday afternoon, the first practice was held. It was a cloudy day, the air cool with the first hints of fall. Ginny flew around excitedly while they played a mock game melding perfectly with her team. Ron was greatly improved from the year before, but Ginny was skilled enough to get some goals past him. Above her, Harry soared around, searching for the snitch they had let go. Finally, he caught it, putting the mock game to an end. Ginny cheered loudly, shooting through the air to her other teammates. Her team had narrowly won. After celebrating, they all assembled on the field.

"That was excellent, everyone! I wouldn't be surprised if we won the Cup again this year!" Katie Bell said, her voice high with excitement.

Buzzing with happiness, Ginny entered the locker room with the rest. The practice had been just what she had needed. She slipped her sweaty robe off and headed towards the girls' shower, clutching a towel against her white tank top and cotton shorts. As she passed, she saw Harry watch her go by, not trying to hide the fact that he was looking at her body. Slyly, she looked right back at him. _Kissing him wasn't that bad….._

She took a long shower, reveling in the hot, soothing water over her tired muscles. She changed into jeans and a long sleeve shirt afterward, holding her robe on the crook of her arm. When she reentered the stadium to leave, she saw Harry, presumably waiting for her.

"Hey," she said, striding towards him. They both continued walking to the stands, sitting in the front row.

"How's fifth year going?" Harry asked, smirking at what he knew the answer would be.

Ginny shook her head back and forth. "It's s much more than I thought it would be. This was the first time I've had a free moment since we started school."

"Just you wait. If you think OWL prep is bad, you're in for something with the NEWTs."

Smiling, Ginny looked over at Harry. His cheeks were flushed, making it all too obvious that he was trying hard. To ease the tension, Ginny grabbed his hand. For her, it meant nothing, but she knew it meant the world to him.

"What's bothering you?" she whispered.

Harry stared up at the sky and the stands at the other end, his eyes squinted to make out nothing in particular. "I don't know what's going to happen to all of us. Voldemort-" Ginny flinched automatically "- keeps on getting stronger. I can feel it. It's been getting worse since the Diggorys were finished off. Something has to be done."

Considering her words carefully, Ginny said, "Harry, is this a battle against you and….. _him,_ or you and that veil?"

Harry let out a slow breath, squeezing Ginny's hand. "I don't know, Ginny. I really don't know anymore."

Ginny refrained from saying any more. Talking about Sirius was too uncomfortable for her. Everyone always talked about him as a tragic figure and a wonderful person. To her, he was just the guy who tried to get into her pants over Christmas break after drinking too much. She did not hold a grudge about it, and he had apologized profusely every time they were together afterward. Being in Azkaban for twelve years had left him lonely, and she understood that. She was sad that he died, but she could not relate to everything said to him in the slightest.

People began to enter the stadium, brooms over their shoulders. Ginny squinted, making out the figures, and then felt extremely foolish. She had forgotten that the Slytherin team had scheduled a practice right after theirs. Helplessly, she watched Draco, the new captain, move towards her and Harry, her hand still clutched in his. The entire team followed behind him like a herd of sheep.

"Well, Potter, it only took you six years to get a girlfriend. Well done." The Slytherin team snickered behind Draco, most of them puny second years. His cheeks burning, Harry held onto Ginny's hand. There would be no use in arguing it with Draco.

Draco's eyes seized Ginny, and she wanted to crawl under the chair. The last thing she wanted was to be so close to him. It was too irresistible. Reaching forward, he snatched her robe from where she had left it, hanging over the rail.

"Hey!" Harry shouted, moving to stand. Ginny flung out an arm to stop him. As her mother and father had warned her, getting in trouble was to be avoided at all costs. _Lie low._

Laughing coldly, Draco poked his fingers through a large hole on the sleeve Ginny had never gotten around to mending. The teammates all joined in with their derisive chuckling, throwing glares at Ginny. Defiantly, she kept her head up, watching Draco mock her clothing.

"You can't even afford a proper robe, can you?" Draco said softly, making sure there was cruelty in his voice. Calculating, Ginny stared into his eyes, wondering what he was getting at. He would never embarrass her if there were no purpose behind it. Then, she realized what was going on. There was to be a Hogsmeade trip the following weekend. By pointing out the shabby state of her robes to everyone, he was asking her permission to buy her new robes.

Swallowing her pride, Ginny said indifferently, "You're absolutely right, Draco. I cannot afford any good robes, unlike you. You must always be right about everything, Draco."

Scoffing, Draco threw the robe back on the rain and walked away. The laughter from the others had stopped. It was no longer fun if Ginny was not getting hurt. As he left, Draco turned back once to look at Ginny. "Okay," she mouthed at him, embarrassed and flattered at the same time.

The next weekend, Ginny wanted to do anything but go to Hogsmeade. If she saw Draco anywhere near a robe shop, she would feel too embarrassed and guilty. Being apart from him had freed her from feeling anything at all, something she wanted to maintain. As luck would have it, the day turned out to be beautiful, the October sun shining brightly despite the air being 50 degrees. Ginny looked up at the blue sky of the Great Hall, disappointed that she would have to miss it.

"So, I think we should leave as soon as breakfast is over," Hermione was saying next to her.

"Oh, I'm not going today."

"What! But why? It is such a lovely day!" Hermione sounded appalled at Ginny's decision.

"I have a lot of work to do. I take my OWLs in June, you know," Ginny lied.

"Please come with us. It will be such a good time. If you are struggling later, I'll help you," Hermione offered.

Sighing, Ginny looked back up at the ceiling. There was not a cloud in the sky. A Hogsmeade trip seemed perfect, and she was turning it down.

"Okay," she said finally. _I will just avoid Draco at all costs._

Half an hour later, she had set off with Hermione, Ron, and Harry. Purposely, Hermione lagged slightly behind as she talked to Ron, leaving Harry and Ginny on their own. Ginny felt like she had been trapped, but found Hermione's efforts endearing nonetheless. The cool air felt wonderful against her skin as they walked down the path towards town.

"What do you want to do today?" Harry asked politely. His ears were burning pink.

"Hmm, I don't know….. The Hog's Head?" Ginny suggested. It was located two blocks away from the robe shop, and indoors where she could not see him.

"Sounds good."

When they reached the old building, swarming with students, Hermione feigned a look of shock. "Oh, no, I've forgotten my money….. Ron, will you come with me back to the castle?"

"Er, not really," he responded, looking perplexed.

"Oh, come on!" she snapped, grabbing his arm. She looked at Harry and then at Ginny, winking mischievously.

Inside, Ginny was stewing. It was becoming all too clear that this had been Hermione's plan all along. She did not want to come in the first place, and she did not want to be with Harry. Now she was stuck. Leaving Harry all alone would be rude.

"Come on, let's have a butterbeer," she said quickly, leading the way into the bar.

She and Harry shared a table and had their drinks. Ginny was not in the mood for any conversation. For every question presented to her by Harry, Ginny responded with only a 'no' or a 'yes'. Her mind was on other things. When Ron and Hermione returned, Ginny was grateful. They looked surprised to see Harry and Ginny still there, but still joined them. From across the table, she shot Hermione angry glares.

After a few awkward minutes, Harry said, "Er, Ginny, do you want to go on a walk?"

"Sure," she responded coldly. They rose and exited the pub. Once outside, Harry took her hand. To her dismay, he was walking them towards the other end of the town, where the robe shop was located. Desperately, she tried to think of any way to go somewhere else, but could not think of anything else she could do. Harry led her to a bench right along the wall of the shop and sat down. Unwillingly, she sat down next to him. Her mind was racing as she stared apprehensively at the shop.

"Let's go to….. er….. the post office," she said, starting to get up. Confused, Harry stood up and began to follow her. Just then, Draco exited the robe shop, holding a large package. Guiltily, Ginny stood there, staring at Draco stupidly.

Draco looked at both of them, and then down at their hands, sneering. "When's the baby due, Potter?" he spat.

Harry looked critically at the package in Draco's hands. "Buying yourself more robes, Malfoy? I suppose that eventually you just start throwing money away, when you have too much."

"They're not for me," Draco said simply. His eyes rested on Ginny. She blushed and turned away, mortified over what he had done for her.

"Then who are they for?"

Draco walked away, brushing against Ginny intentionally. She closed her eyes, wishing that things could be easier.

"What is his deal?" Harry asked, guiding Ginny away.

"I don't know," she mumbled. Her head was beginning to throb. Silently, they walked along, eventually entering the post office. Ginny suddenly remembered that she had pretended to want to go there. Quickly, she scribbled a letter to Bill, not wanting Harry to think she was strange by having no real purpose in the post office. She found the nearest eagle owl and paid. "Let's go back to the castle," she insisted.

Once they began back on the path, Ginny began to feel guilty about the way she was treating Harry. It was unfair to make him suffer for her own problems. But then again, how could she possibly apologize for the way she was. _I'm sorry I'm so difficult, Harry. I'm in love with Draco Malfoy._ They arrived back at the Gryffindor tower and sat down in front of the fire, the awkward silence remaining. Eventually, Ginny turned to Harry, smiling slightly. "I am having a bad day, Harry. I'm sorry if I seem a little bit…… off."

He smiled back at her, seeming to forgive her. "It's okay. I understand that it's not about me."

"I think I'm going to go upstairs. I'm not feeling too wonderful."

"Yes, go. I'll see you at dinner," Harry said nicely.

Ginny walked up the stairs and flopped down onto her bed as soon as she got into her room. She was exhausted and could not wait to get to sleep. Her head was milling with a million thoughts, and now, she was obligated to meet with Draco. _Boys!_ she thought bitterly.

At dinner, Ginny could see Draco attempting to make eye contact out of the corner of her eye. Hesitantly, she turned and looked at him. His gaze bore into hers, in his attempt to communicate from across the hall. Blankly, she stared back. _Make him struggle._ Even so, she knew what he was saying. She didn't even need to look at him to know. _Meet me in our classroom._

Immediately, she stood and collected her things, ignoring Hermione's prying look. She left the hall and headed straight towards their classroom, not caring who saw her. _This is his problem today._

She entered the room, dark with the incoming night. "Lumos," she whispered, illuminating her wand. Throwing her bag down carelessly, Ginny took a seat on the floor in the front of her room. She sat docile for five minutes, not knowing what to do with herself while she waited.

The door opened and closed quickly as Draco entered five minutes afterward. He lit his own wand, and sat down next to Ginny. She would not look at him in the eye. "That's a nice trick you're pulling with Potter," he whispered nastily.

"Nothing is going on."

"No, but I know that something has happened before. You're such a goddamned whore, Ginny. Can't you keep your clothes on for anyone?" As he moved in to kiss her, she turned her head to the right, leaving him with her hair to kiss. She felt too sad to be affectionate. He had known all along that she had been with Harry, except he didn't care. _What is wrong with us?_

"I know that you and Pansy have had a thing, and I believe that you're still snogging that ugly tramp," she said defiantly.

Draco put his face into her hair, sniffing it. "Oh, we're doing more than snogging," he whispered. His voice was making Ginny go crazy. She turned her head, letting their faces meet. A few passionate kisses were exchanged, pleasing her for the moment. "We might even be fucking."

She smiled, giving him a rough kiss. "No, you're not. She disgusts you and you know it."

Draco wove his hands into her hair. They continued to give each other small pecks on the lips, one after another. "You're right. I can't stand touching her, but I _have to,_ you know? It's like you and Potter. Everyone expects us to be together."

Their lips meshed, and they started making out. Ginny hugged him close, wanting their bodies as close as possible. Then, abruptly, she stopped, moving her mouth away from his. "So, where are my robes?"

Draco moaned. "Not now, Ginny….."

She slid away and sat up. "Yes, now. Let's not get carried away."

Draco glared at her, sitting up and moving his hands toward his bag. "Do you understand how much I despise you sometimes?"

"Of course."

The package Ginny had seen Draco leaving the robe store with came out of his bag. Hatefully, he threw them at her. "They're the best ones they had."

Ginny carefully slid her fingers under the fastenings, opening the paper the clothing was wrapped in. Delicately, she unfolded one of the robes and saw another under it. It _was_ nice, made of cotton so fine, it almost shined, even in the moonlight. The Gryffindor crest sat proudly on the black fabric. She had been expecting something simple, an update of the robes that had been new when she entered Hogwarts. Instead, she had something conspicuously glamorous, and obviously expensive. It spoke volumes to her regarding how he felt about her. "Oh," she whispered, feeling the material on her fingers. It was a nicer gift than she ever could have asked of him. For the first time in her life, Ginny would be elegant.

Embarrassed at his own generosity, Draco was blushing. "I thought that, you know, you should have something pretty. Even if it is just school robes."

Carefully, Ginny refolded the robe and closed the package. She stared at Draco in the darkness, not quite knowing what to say. He was too good to her all the time. She knew that he loved her too much. It was enough to make her laugh and cry. "Draco….."

"Don't say anything," he said quickly, turning away from her. "You'll ruin it."

Instead, she scooted up next to him and wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head against his shoulder. For a long time, they sat like that, immobile and quiet, illuminated by the moonlight and the glow of their wands. She knew it was going to be after hours soon, but Ginny did not ever want to leave. Once they left the room, it would be back to being hateful. After what Draco had given Ginny, she was unsure that she could ever pretend to hate him again.

"I love you," she whispered. "Do you know that?"

"Of course I do."

Ginny pushed her head against his shoulder, wanting him to feel her there. "No. Do you know _how much I love you?_" The words were coming out instinctively as her heart swelled, giving him an even bigger place within it. There had been times before when she had cared for him greatly, but never as much as this. She had not thought it possible to love him even more, and there she was, feeling it stronger than ever.

"Ginny," he whispered so low she had to strain to hear. "I never want to leave this room. Do you know how that feels?"

In that moment, Ginny knew that they were both feeling the same things. She was letting her guard down by allowing that to happen. Somehow, it was okay. For the first time in five years, she was going to let someone get close to her. "Yes. Draco. Yes."

Swearing, Draco hit the floor hard. Ginny closed her eyes as she felt the vibration under her leg. "I can't take this! It's so unfair, Ginny! Why can't we be together? Why can't we leave this room and just be happy, like everyone else gets to be?"

"Draco….."

"No, Ginny! Don't tell me this is the way it has to be! I won't buy that anymore!" He moved so they were sitting cross-legged and face to face. Roughly, he grabbed both of her hands into his own. "There has to be a way we can be together. I can't take it any longer if we're not."

Ginny said gently, "Draco, there's no way we _can_ be in our world the way it is now."

His eyes locked with hers, and they stayed silent for another period of time. Then, he looked down at the floor, as if he had let her down somehow. "One day, one day..." he whispered over and over.


End file.
